413 miles remaining
Jenn: “Okay, you can come out of the bathroom now.”
Phil: “Did you finally cuddle her asleep?”
Jenn: “Yeah, finally.”
Phil: “I don’t know why she won’t fall asleep with me.”
Jenn: “She needs to be spooned in a very specific way.”
Phil: “Weird. Okay, the Broncos game just started. Do you think she’ll sleep through the TV being on, but muted?”
Jenn: “Probably. If she starts to wake up, just turn the TV off and we’ll watch more Modern Family.”
Phil: “Okay, you want some delicious box wine?”
Jenn: “Um, yeah.”
Phil: “Me too, let’s go Broncos!”
One and half hours, two glasses of box wine and 35 Patriot points later...
Phil: (whispering obscenities)
Jenn: “You know, you’re going to subconsciously teach our children those words.”
Phil: “Gah! I leave the state for three days and this is what happens!"
Jenn: “I’m sure it’s all your fault.”
Phil: “Thanks. Just turn on Modern Family and pass me the box wine.”
Day 4
413 miles remaining miles remaining…alarm set for 5:30 am CST
(Alarm goes off)
Phil: “Jenn, I’m awake.”
Jenn: “You’re not funny.”
Phil: “I peed.”
Jenn: “You’re gross. We’re lucky the kids didn’t wake up. Let’s see how much we can get packed before they do. Hopefully we can get an early start, so we can get there by nap time.”
Phil: “I pooped”
Jenn: (sigh) “I can’t wait to be there.”
Thirty minutes later
Jenn: “Okay, we’ve showered, dressed and packed everything the kids don’t need and they’re still sleeping?
Phil: “It figures the one day we want to leave early is the day they choose to sleep in. Poor things, the road trip must be exhausting them.”
Jenn: “Let’s wake ‘em up.”
Twenty four miles remaining
Phil: (on the phone with Steph) “Hey Steph, we’re pumped to see you! We’re getting ready to hit the beltway, which I keep hearing horror stories about so I have no idea when we’ll get through. The Garmin lady thinks we’ll be there at 12:30, but she’s an idiot. It’ll probably be more like 1:00. (pause) Yes, I know she’s not real. See you then!"
Garmin Lady: “In point two miles, take exit on right”
Phil: “Okay, this road is sort of weird. It’s driving right next to the actual highway, only slower.”
Jenn: “Maybe she thinks the Beltway is too much traffic.”
Phil: “She? You do realize she’s not real, right?”
Jenn: “Oh shut up.”
Garmin Lady: “In point 2 miles take entrance onto Highway 495”
Phil: “Really? We just got off the completely empty highway for 3 miles only to get right back on it. Stupid Garmin Lady”
Brynn: “Stuper Lady!”
Jenn: “Yes Brynn, she is a SUPER lady” (glaring at me)
Phil: (cough) “Man, look at the Garmin’s arrival time, it’s going down pretty quick. Looks like we’re going to be there in about 20 minutes. Sweet!”
1 mile remaining
Jenn: “We’re almost there kids and we have yummy Popeye’s for lunch when we get there!"
Garmin Lady: “Turn left onto Thomas Jefferson Drive.”
Garmin Lady: “In 100 ft, stay left onto James Madison Avenue.”
Phil: “Arrgghh, the roads keep changing names!”
Garmin Lady: “In 200 ft, enter the James Polk memorial roundabout.”
Phil: “Wait, what?”
Garmin Lady “Turn left onto George Washington Street, then turn right, then turn left.”
Jenn and Phil: “What did she just tell us to do?”
Garmin Lady: “Recalculating! Take U-turn onto Millard Filmore Blvd.”
Phil: “Holy Jesus, all I want is to do is get there and eat our Popeye’s chicken!”
Jenn: “What is this place, are we driving to a doctor’s office?”
Phil: “No, there it is. Wow, I feel bad for our visitors this year.”
Garmin Lady: “Arriving at destination.”
Jenn: “We’re here kids, let’s go have lunch in our new home!”
Phil: “I’ll get Jonah and the fried chicken.”
Jenn: “I’ll get Brynn and diaper bags.”
Phil: “Wow, look at this kitchen, I like the big fridge.”
Jenn: “The tile work is great!”
Phil: “Be right back, I forgot one last thing in the car.”
Running back to the car
Phil: “Thanks Garmin Lady.”
Haha--love it! Sounds like between the Garmin lady and the kids, it went pretty smoothly, all told!
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